my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
