Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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