why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How external is "for external use only"?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
