Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
