Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
