I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
