Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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