K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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