I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
