Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
