I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
