It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
