we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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