I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my liver is dry heaving
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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