In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
