I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nicole vs. Life
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
