i just wanna soil my oats bro
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
