What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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