Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
