I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
