does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
