Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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