so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
