Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
