just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
