Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
