You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
