It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
