I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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