if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
