I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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