I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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