I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
