All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
