It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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