I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
