Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
