I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
