And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
