Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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