the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
