I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
