Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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