Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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