And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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