epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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