So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
