it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this beer tastes like vomit already
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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