you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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