so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
