You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
nutella sex= disaster
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just puked most of my soul out..
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